Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Finally, I'm Back

It has been a while since I've written. Mostly, this is due to the apocalyptic time of year--my stepson's, father-in-law's, and Jesus' birthdays. I haven't been a fan of Christmas since I lost my own "round yon virgin"-hood, but combine it with new family members' birthdays, and that's just a simple recipe for stress to me. I'm someone who thinks there must be a perfect, meaningful, one-of-a-kind present out there for everyone--if only I could find it. And, I usually can't. So, I overspend in an attempt to compensate for what I think are less-than-perfect gifts. Sigh.

The other reason I've been lax on the blog is due to my knee injury. It's been just two weeks, but I'm getting more mobility now, and I can actually hobble down to the computer now.

So, quite a bit has happened on the step-fam front since I last wrote. Thanksgiving. Now, that was weird. My husband and I have his son 50% of the time. We have him every Wednesday and Thursday, and every other Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. We rarely see my stepson's biological mom (BM, as they're called on messageboards), because all the dropping off and picking up is usually done through school. They have a civil relationship--basically a businesslike partnership who can work together to make the best decisions for their kid.

There are no stipulations for holidays in their divorce decree, so the parent who has him on that particular day is the one who gets to have him for the holiday, unless other arrangements are made. My husband is very flexible, and when BM lamented a bit about not having stepson on Thanksgiving, his birthday, or Christmas this year, my husband generously offered to share time with her. She, however, suggested that she come to my husband's parents' Thanksgiving celebration with her boyfriend. Call us old-fashioned, but both my husband and I were uncomfortable with that idea. I know BM was offended when my husband told her this, but there is some awkwardness from my point-of-view. And, it's not that I dislike or hate her--I hardly know her. She has always been pleasant to me--even hugged me the last couple of times I saw her. So, it's really nothing personal toward her, but rather something personal about the relationships I'm trying to build with my new family.

First, this is our first official holiday together as a married couple. My first holiday as an official part of the family. Holidays are certainly about reminiscing and making new memories, and at least for my first married holiday, I'd like to not have to share it with BM walking down memory lane with my new family members. I want build my own relationships with my new family members without the ever-present shadow of BM. How can I do that if she's there, demanding their attention and joining in on all the "remember whens"? We accommodate BM all the other days of the year, so do we have to share our holidays in her presence, too? And, just because your kid is invited somewhere, does it mean that you're automatically invited, too?

Second, the whole idea made my husband uncomfortable. It's only been three years since they split, and enough time just hasn't passed yet to reach a level of comfort being in each others' company, let alone her boyfriend's!
She didn't show up to my in-laws' that day, and we had a good day.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Maybe she doesn't know how to cook Julie! She was looking for a household that could put on a decent spread...every think about that scenario????
I kind of feel for the boyfriend, who would want to be in on that kind of shenanigan?
Glad it worked out....
Sara " Do you have any Snack Mix" Miller