Saturday, April 18, 2009

Mommy 'n Me: A Story of Pole Dancing

Now I've seen everything. Today, I offered to accompany my extremely handsome significant other to a birthday party with his son. The party was for one of his son's preschool classmates who is turning five. Formerly, in the early days of our courtship, I shied away from such celebrations. All the mommies and daddies know each other, and I'm the childless (or childfree, however you look at it) gal in uncomfortable shoes in the corner. One thing that instantly lets other people know you're not a mother is wearing any kind of shoe with a heel. Pointing and laughing when kids cry is also a dead giveaway.These days, I'm the first one in the car when it's time to party kid-style. I even go shopping for the presents, and I swear that it's my mission to make sure every kid at the pre-school has the "Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed" game. Sadly, it's my go-to gift when I can't think of something else. But, I don't know these kids. How would I know what they want? I just see it as my ticket in the door to the festivities.

Today's party was at "Child's Play." When I heard this, I envisioned a possessed doll on a rampage with a knife. I wanted to see that scene where that kid shoves an air hose up Chucky's nose and his head explodes. Would it happen at an indoor playground in Los Angeles? Would it occur in a pit of multi-colored balls, or, at the face-painting booth? Needless to say, while there were several precocious kids running around, there were no serial killers in overalls. Next time.

What "Child's Play" did have to offer, though, was something much more valuable than a murderous doll. It offers "Mommy 'n Me" classes. Wondering what kinds of classes a place like this could offer, I asked for a brochure, and right there on page 3: POLE FITNESS! Yes, mommy can drop off little Cody or Maya in the front and learn stripping in the back! Talk about "Business in the front, party in the back!" When I saw how much this place charges for a two-hour birthday party, I realized why they offer Pole Fitness, because mommy is gonna have to take a couple of shifts to pay this shindig off during these trying economic times.

I took a little walk to the back to check out the pole dancing facilities for myself. There it was--a mirrored room. The best part was that the poles had been covered with padding so some unsuspecting kid (or me) wouldn't run into them and maim himself. After all the crap I've talked about L.A. lately, this place kind of made me change my mind. Where else could kids get their faces hurled with balls, while mommy learns to--ahem-- keep them out of her face? (or, at least ask for a tip first). Today, I loved L.A.

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