I just had a mini personal crisis. I've been working 12+ hour days now for nearly three weeks straight, and I'm tired. For those of you who don't know, I'm a testing coordinator for a large urban high school. These past two weeks, I've planned and administered the California state tests, which consist of: the California Standards Tests (for all students up through grade 11), the California Modified Assessment (for special education students), the California Alternate Performance Assessment (for severely disabled students), the Standards Tests in Spanish (for Spanish-speaking students who've lived in the U.S. for less than one year), and the California High School Exit Exam (all students must pass it if they want to graduate). This means that during the past three weeks, I've handled well over 6,000 tests. I'm tired.
Today was the last day of make-up tests for these beasts, so now the only part left is to pack everything up--another huge and annoying task. The company actually includes a matrix of exactly how everything should be packed. It's like trying to get through Ulysses.
Anyways, enough of that crap. I'm done (for the most part) and it feels good that it's over, but I'm depressed. I've trudged through, but I hated nearly every moment of it. I'm good at organizing and following though, but I don't like it. A monkey could truly do this job. All it requires is the ability to count, make spreadsheets, sharpen pencils, and fax. I wish I were kidding. And this brainless, repetitive job has made me want to cry nearly every day. I have to actually hold myself back from breaking down. And people at work think that I'm so calm and collected about the whole stressful process, and I am--at work. Then I have a meltdown when I get home.
So, today I'm feeling a tinge of relief, and I wanted to talk to a friend on the phone and then I realized--I don't have any friends to call. Actually, I tried three people, and no one was home. This has happened a lot lately--many of my friends have kids, families, etc., and I don't. I have tons of free time--they don't. Heck--even the last time I called my mom, she didn't want to talk to me because "Dancing With the Stars" was on. I swear I could say, "Mom, I'm going to slit my wrists now." She'd answer, "Well, I better let you go--Kirstie Alley is gonna do her paso doble now!" Sigh.
I'm all angsty with no way to release my nervousness. I'm on stepkid watch right now, too, so I can't even escape if I wanted to. I think that's one of the worst things about having a stepkid. I want to go out and have fun and release my tension, but we can't. Here I am stuck in this little box of a house with no way out. It kind of makes me miss work. Good thing I get to go back tomorrow on a Saturday. Sigh, again.