Friday, May 27, 2011

Waiting on a Friend

I just had a mini personal crisis. I've been working 12+ hour days now for nearly three weeks straight, and I'm tired. For those of you who don't know, I'm a testing coordinator for a large urban high school. These past two weeks, I've planned and administered the California state tests, which consist of: the California Standards Tests (for all students up through grade 11), the California Modified Assessment (for special education students), the California Alternate Performance Assessment (for severely disabled students), the Standards Tests in Spanish (for Spanish-speaking students who've lived in the U.S. for less than one year), and the California High School Exit Exam (all students must pass it if they want to graduate). This means that during the past three weeks, I've handled well over 6,000 tests. I'm tired.

Today was the last day of make-up tests for these beasts, so now the only part left is to pack everything up--another huge and annoying task. The company actually includes a matrix of exactly how everything should be packed. It's like trying to get through Ulysses.

Anyways, enough of that crap. I'm done (for the most part) and it feels good that it's over, but I'm depressed. I've trudged through, but I hated nearly every moment of it. I'm good at organizing and following though, but I don't like it. A monkey could truly do this job. All it requires is the ability to count, make spreadsheets, sharpen pencils, and fax. I wish I were kidding. And this brainless, repetitive job has made me want to cry nearly every day. I have to actually hold myself back from breaking down. And people at work think that I'm so calm and collected about the whole stressful process, and I am--at work. Then I have a meltdown when I get home.

So, today I'm feeling a tinge of relief, and I wanted to talk to a friend on the phone and then I realized--I don't have any friends to call. Actually, I tried three people, and no one was home. This has happened a lot lately--many of my friends have kids, families, etc., and I don't. I have tons of free time--they don't. Heck--even the last time I called my mom, she didn't want to talk to me because "Dancing With the Stars" was on. I swear I could say, "Mom, I'm going to slit my wrists now." She'd answer, "Well, I better let you go--Kirstie Alley is gonna do her paso doble now!" Sigh.

I'm all angsty with no way to release my nervousness. I'm on stepkid watch right now, too, so I can't even escape if I wanted to. I think that's one of the worst things about having a stepkid. I want to go out and have fun and release my tension, but we can't. Here I am stuck in this little box of a house with no way out. It kind of makes me miss work. Good thing I get to go back tomorrow on a Saturday. Sigh, again.


Anonymous said...

Hi! I found your blog through a google search about being a fabulous childfree stepmom, and just wanted to comment about how I loved reading the thoughts of someone so similar to myself.

I am biologically childFREE stepmom to a 10 yr. old boy, been married 6 years. We have always had him exactly 3 1/2 days every week. I also work with high school kids, helping them prepare for college. I love my job and my stepson, but both are very good birth control!

Hope to see more posts soon!


Junkgirl said...

Nikki--Thank you so much for your comment! We do have a lot in common, and I agree with you that having a stepkid and working in a high school are wonderful forms of birth control! With cool people like you reading, it inspires me to keep going with the blog. In fact, I think I'll write something now! Thanks, again!

Churlita said...

I hope you found an outlet for your angst. I had that a couple of days ago, and had to unload on my boyfriend. Luckily, he is cool and supportive.

Junkgirl said...

Churlita--I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one going through this! Your boyfriend sounds better at taking your angst than my husband is at taking mine. His response is usually: "Just get a new job." Easier said than done! Hang in there!