Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Are You Prepared?

Living in southern California for the past 10 years has taught me to expect and prepare for earthquakes. Luckily, there hasn't been a huge one since I've lived here, but I'm sure we're bound to get one sooner or later. My fear is that I'll be sleeping, naked and without my glasses, in bed, or I'll be in the middle of a shower when the big one hits. Nakedness and blindness may be, perhaps, even more frightening to me than surfing the earth's crust before wiping out into a sinkhole.

But, events like the ones that happened recently in Haiti and Chile always put me in my Girl Scout "let's get prepared!!" mode. I make sure the disgusting looking beef burrito MREs (Meals Ready to Eat) haven't expired. I double check the batteries in the portable radio. I verify an extra pair of glasses and a stash of cash. Most importantly, I replenish the Vicodin. I say "replenish" because I've probably dug some out from time to time. Even if I'm not hurt in the quake, I'm absolutely certain I'll be needing it. Who wouldn't in a mess like that? It's a must-have in any survival kit.

While updating my survival kit recently, I started to think about why no one has ever invented a "Stepmother's Survival Kit." I need one and I'm going to start preparing one. I'm going to make my list here, and I hope that you all can help me add to the list so I don't miss any important necessities. I want to be a tip-top survivalist!

Stepmother's Survival Kit
  • 10+ sets of earplugs

  • Unlimited bottles of wine (or hard liquor of choice, depending on how difficult bio mom is)

  • An ice pack

  • A heating pad

  • Tape--to help you keep your mouth shut before you say things you'll regret

  • A helmet

  • Protective shoes (have you ever stepped on a lego in the middle of the night?!)

  • One bottle Vicodin (see above)

  • A locker with a good padlock (who would've thought a 4 year-old boy would want a bottle of Pucci Vivara perfume?!)

  • Extra furniture (for when the cool stuff you had when you were single gets ruined by melted crayons, markers, scissors)

  • An extra pair of glasses (also see above)

  • Your mother and best friend's numbers on speed dial

  • Thicker skin

  • A copy of Izzy Rose's The Package Deal
  • An iPod full of power songs to get you through any situation


Anonymous said...

Re: the booze, the BEST [step] parenting advice I ever got was from my wonderful late MIL who advised me "learn to drink".

Other than that? A room of your own. With a lock. He gets his own kid, you get your own room...absolutely non-negotiable.

Churlita said...

Ha ha. I've always been in the opposite situation. I've had the kids and I've only dated guys who were childless. I would actually love to date a single dad. I think guys are much better people after they have kids...That is, if they're good dads.

Junkgirl said...

First of all, Blackie Lagoon--Where are you? Let's go get a drink! :)

Churlita--I've definitely enjoyed reading your experiences about dating as a single mom, and I'm always curious to read more. I think we stepmoms sometimes unfairly villify the bio-moms because they can seem threatening. I think you're right that men tend to be better people after kids. Whenever I have a little regret that it's not just my husband and me--that I have to share my life with his "entourage"--I remind myself that he may not be the man I love if he didn't have a kid. That makes me feel better, at least for a little while. :)

Anonymous said...

Sadly I'm stuck in Calgary, AB for the next few years (until younger spawn turns 18) at which point we can leave the clutches of bio-mom and move to the Vancouver area. I lived in Seattle for 14 years and loved it...US health care though is so dicey I'm probably stuck in Canada for the foreseeable future. But I shall raise a glass of wine to thee, up here in the boring cold prairie.