Knee photos--one year later!

Here are some pictures of my MPFL surgery scars one year post surgery. I'm really not a fan of my legs, so I'm not too excited to post these, but many people have asked what the scars look like, so I'm willing to swallow my pride to inform others. :)

Obviously, this is my inner knee. You can see two of the bigger scars, which are actually not even one inch long. They're still pretty pink after only one year out, but I have so many scars that these couldn't bother me less. From this angle, you can also see a smaller scar closer to the kneecap. That is from the arthroscopic procedure that was performed at the same time as the MPFL reconstruction.

I can't remember if I mentioned this or not, but I chose to use my own hamstring graft instead of cadaver tissue. I wasn't against using the donor tissue, but since I am under the age of 40, the doctor recommended just using my own tissue. He said that after age 40, he recommends the cadaver, as it takes longer to heal after 40. In this picture, the graft is located under the most visible scar--the one closest to the middle right. It never hurts at all. Most of the aches I get at this point are from the arthroscopy, which was done to "clean up" some damaged cartilage under the patella.

In this picture, you can see the scar at the top of my knee. It probably looks longer than it is, as it's only about 1 1/2 inches long. It's still very pink, but I know it will fade in time. If you look at my left knee, you can see a long 5-inch scar that is from a reconstructive surgery I had at the age of 17. I guess this procedure was more akin to the Fulkerson procedure that is still done today, but my recent surgeon now prefers the MPFL reconstruction over the Fulkerson. So, I'm 37 now, so you can do the math of how long ago that surgery was. Scars don't bother me, though. In fact, I think they're kind of cool....

One year after MPFL Reconstruction

It has been exactly a year since I had my MPFL reconstructive surgery. When I was preparing for the surgery, there was little available online so I could read what others had gone through and how they coped. Sure, I did find some stuff on kneeguru, but I noticed that I mostly found the horror stories of surgeries gone wrong. I confided to my husband that this scared me, and he reminded me that it's usually people who have had negative experiences who post the most, as they're looking for the most support. I've found this to be true.

But, I've been happy to see that the little I've written here about the MPFL surgery has helped some people gain confidence. One year later, I feel great. Sure, there is still a little bit of pain and some atrophy, but my doctor told me it would be nearly 1 1/2 years before I'd see complete recovery. Regardless, the pain is minimal and nothing compared to the stability I've gained in my knee. I followed my physical therapy regimen to the letter, including a lot of stretching at home on my own. I bought one of those yoga stretching straps that I hooked over my foot, and then I laid on my stomach and pulled my heel toward my butt. The first couple of times I could only get about 30 degrees. That bothered me, because the doctor said he wanted 90 degrees by the end of the second week, and I wasn't even half-way there! So, every hour on the hour, I stretched. Each stretch was painful, but I found that by taking very deep breaths, I could breathe through the pain of each stretch. At the end of the third week, I was nearly at 90 degrees. At the end of the fifth week, I was able to go all the way around on a bicycle, and the whole staff at therapy remarked how far I'd come. They also mentioned that they knew a lot of my progress had come from my at-home stretches.

So, for those of you who are contemplating the surgery or are in recovery, I highly recommend a yoga stretching strap. Here's a link to one like I bought: http://www.amazon.com/Body-Back-Company-Stretching-Strap/dp/B001I1OYP2

Of course, ask your doctor and physical therapist about if/when/how to use this strap, but I have to say, this was one of the most valuable pieces of rehab equipment I had. Another invaluable tool for me was Kinesio Tex Gold sports tape. Here's a link to that: http://www.amazon.com/Kinesio-Tex-Gold-Tape-Blue/dp/B001VNKNPC/ref=pd_sbs_hpc_3

Again, ask your doctor or therapist if/when/how to use this tape, as there is a technique to taping it correctly. The tape helped tremendously with the pain and swelling, and if applied properly, it will last on your leg for several days--even after showering. I loved this stuff, and I've actually been thinking about buying some more for now. I don't need it much, but once in a while I still get some swelling, and this really helps.

Many people have asked me about my scars, and in some of my earlier blogs, I posted some gnarly post-op pictures. I will try to post a new picture soon so those of you who've asked can see that there is really minimal scarring involved with the MPFL surgery.

Overall, I now have full range of motion (got that back at about 8 weeks post surgery), and I feel great. I'm very thankful I got the surgery, and the doctor who performed it, Dr. Rick Csintalan, was amazing. He practices in Irvine, California, so anyone who lives in Socal and is looking to get this operation should seriously consider him. He, in my opinion, is one of the best doctors I've ever been to.

So, please--keep the questions coming! I'm happy to answer any that you have and I wish everyone the best of luck with their knees!

Top 10 Misused English Words

Top 10 Misused English Words

Summer Schedules and Stepkids

I could have just named this "schedules and stepkids," because either way, schedules are annoying. It's a tricky situation, because if you argue about a schedule with the kid's biomom, you look petty and like you don't want the kid around. But, if you don't bring up perceived or real inequities, it always feels like we're being taken advantage of. Of course I have an interest in the schedule, but I want things to be fair--not just for us, but for my stepson, too.

My husband and his ex never stipulated anything about holidays, sick days, or vacations in their custody agreement. When I first heard that, I thought it was crazy. They were so meticulous about every other little detail. Biomom would have him every Monday and Tuesday. We'd have him every Wednesday and Thursday. We would alternate Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Great.

Originally, whoever had stepson on the day the particular holiday or break fell on would keep him for the day, but that started to get really fuzzy (especially when it seemed to be biomom's day but she didn't agree). The thought was initially that if both parents had to work but stepson had the day off from school (say, Presidents' Day), they would alternate taking care of him. But, if the holiday fell on a day both parents had off, whoever had him that day would take him. For example, we always have had him the past four years on Thanksgiving because Thursday is our day. She would have him Memorial Day and Labor Day, because Monday is her day. Now, biomom made up these rules, but she always seemed to forget the rule on her day to take care of stepson.

To compound the problems, what happens if stepson is sick? What happens on trade-off days? Such as, if he's sick on Wednesday morning, does she keep him because he's been at her house, or do we take him because he would be coming to ours? Do we trade? Do we split the day? Such a headache.

So, just a few weeks ago, biomom drafted up something she wanted us to sign off on. We promptly took a look at it, and she wanted to make it so whoever had SS on a three-day weekend would be required to take him that Monday, too. I looked at the calendar and that means we would've had him every three-day weekend this year and all but one next year. She also wants him every Christmas, and she wants all birthday parties to be joint parties. There was more, but these were the standouts. So, we promptly looked over her requests and countered with our requests for modification. We did this less than three days after she gave it to us. Over two weeks later, we still have not heard anything back. What the heck? We have to hurry to get back to her, but she can take as long as she wants to get back to us? Yep, those seem to be her rules. Her rules are made for everyone else to follow--not her.

Anyone else have to deal with this?

All Work and Little Play

I hate to get on here and just whinge (love that word--thanks, Bonbon!), but I just have to for a few self-indulgent moments. If I can't tell random strangers in cyberspace my problems, who can I tell them to?

My job. I work for one of the most backward school districts in the country. They are laying off and displacing people left and right. The position I held this year (testing coordinator) was officially cut from the budget, but my school was offering to keep it around half time. That's just too much work for me to teach three classes and coordinate all those tests. So, I had considered applying for the magnet school coordinator job. This is like a prinicipal of a smaller school within the larger comprehensive high school. We had a really great coordinator who left because the district said they were cutting all magnet coordinators. A week ago, they decided to bring the positions back, but our coordinator had taken another job.

So, many people came to me and suggested I would be a good coordinator. The principal had even asked me fill in this vacated spot for the rest of the year (for no extra pay, mind you). But the politics of the job, the fact that one of my friends also wanted to apply for the position, and the fact that the job could be cut again next year made me decide to return to the classroom full time.

So, for the 2011-2012 school year, I will teach English full time again. Good news--I get to teach AP Language and have been invited to be part of a media academy. This will give me higher level students, which is always nice. I will get to hang out with teenagers again. (For some people, this would be a nightmare, but I actually love them). I can go in my classroom and do my thing without having to get as involved in the nitpicky school politics. Bad news: I could have nearly 50 students in each of my five classes. I will have enormous amounts of papers to grade. My best school friend and nextdoor classroom neighbor is getting displaced, and the admin is partially blaming me--even though it's not really my fault.

And now, after I've decided not to apply for the magnet coordinator, magnet teachers keep approaching me with the same "Oh, that's too bad! You would've been so good!" This doesn't help, as it makes me wonder if I made the right decision. After looking around, I don't know if upper school management is the place I want to be. My friends are all teachers--I want to be with them. I would've had to do supervision before and after school, and at lunch and nutrition. I would have to deal with demanding parents. I can do all this, but I've noticed that people treat you like you're a failure if you return to the classroom. Five years ago, there's no way in hell I would've even considered being a principal. Then, I got tired of the classroom and wanted out. I did a year of out-of-the-classroom work as testing coordinator, and I didn't like it. Sure, I think I'd be a good magnet coordinator, too, but with all the uncertainty in the school and district, I wanted something safe and familiar again. And I've started questioning my true interests (or lack of interest) in being an administrator.

So, have I failed if I go back to the classroom? I don't think so. I missed it when I was gone. Last night, my former students who are now seniors gave me hugs, thanked me, wanted to take pictures with me. No one does that with the testing coordinator. Testing coordinators don't change lives. I'm not even sure principals do. Teaching is hard but meaningful work, and if people want to look down on me for going back to the classroom, so be it. Did I make the right decision to go back? I don't know. But, I do know that in a year, I'll probably still have a job as a teacher. As magnet coordinator? Well, that's unclear. I guess I'll find out.

Waiting on a Friend

I just had a mini personal crisis. I've been working 12+ hour days now for nearly three weeks straight, and I'm tired. For those of you who don't know, I'm a testing coordinator for a large urban high school. These past two weeks, I've planned and administered the California state tests, which consist of: the California Standards Tests (for all students up through grade 11), the California Modified Assessment (for special education students), the California Alternate Performance Assessment (for severely disabled students), the Standards Tests in Spanish (for Spanish-speaking students who've lived in the U.S. for less than one year), and the California High School Exit Exam (all students must pass it if they want to graduate). This means that during the past three weeks, I've handled well over 6,000 tests. I'm tired.

Today was the last day of make-up tests for these beasts, so now the only part left is to pack everything up--another huge and annoying task. The company actually includes a matrix of exactly how everything should be packed. It's like trying to get through Ulysses.

Anyways, enough of that crap. I'm done (for the most part) and it feels good that it's over, but I'm depressed. I've trudged through, but I hated nearly every moment of it. I'm good at organizing and following though, but I don't like it. A monkey could truly do this job. All it requires is the ability to count, make spreadsheets, sharpen pencils, and fax. I wish I were kidding. And this brainless, repetitive job has made me want to cry nearly every day. I have to actually hold myself back from breaking down. And people at work think that I'm so calm and collected about the whole stressful process, and I am--at work. Then I have a meltdown when I get home.

So, today I'm feeling a tinge of relief, and I wanted to talk to a friend on the phone and then I realized--I don't have any friends to call. Actually, I tried three people, and no one was home. This has happened a lot lately--many of my friends have kids, families, etc., and I don't. I have tons of free time--they don't. Heck--even the last time I called my mom, she didn't want to talk to me because "Dancing With the Stars" was on. I swear I could say, "Mom, I'm going to slit my wrists now." She'd answer, "Well, I better let you go--Kirstie Alley is gonna do her paso doble now!" Sigh.

I'm all angsty with no way to release my nervousness. I'm on stepkid watch right now, too, so I can't even escape if I wanted to. I think that's one of the worst things about having a stepkid. I want to go out and have fun and release my tension, but we can't. Here I am stuck in this little box of a house with no way out. It kind of makes me miss work. Good thing I get to go back tomorrow on a Saturday. Sigh, again.

Spring Break--or--Time for Graves!

I just finished a whole week of Spring Break, and overall, it was fairly satisfying. My stepson had the same Spring Break and he's been sick, but my mother-in-law was nice enough to watch him for a couple of days during my break so I could relax. I guess I'm just not one of those stepmoms who loves to babysit my stepson on my days off. I wish I was, but having time to myself during my days off is one of the reasons I chose not to have my own kids. My husband is very understanding and never expects me to take care of his son. Sometimes I help out when I can or want to, but he never just assumes I'll do it.

Let me just state that I just wrote and deleted a huge chunk of writing here about how frustrating 50/50 child custody schedules can be. It just plain sucks to change your schedule around for other people's vacations. That's all I'm going to say because I don't want to sound bitchy. (I know--a big step for me!)

Anyways, let's get to the graves. During Spring Break I decided to walk more. When I was in college, I walked everywhere, and that helped me come up with some of my best writing. And, since a friend of mine--Rosemary--so generously suggested that we write some poems together, I decided that walking again might be a good remedy for my writer's block.

My walk lately has consisted of the giant hills of Holy Cross Cemetery in Culver City. It's about a mile from my home. I like it because it has some of the best views of Los Angeles once you get to the top of the hill, and it has some celebrity graves that I like to visit. So, once I get there, here's my loop: First, I walk up to the grotto, and once I catch my breath, I visit Rita Hayworth. Then, I go just a few rows in front of her to catch up with Bing Crosby ("Harry Lillis" on his grave) and Bela Lugosi. There's usually some strange artifact on Lugosi's grave. And, I am proud to say that I have confirmed that Bela Lugosi is, indeed, dead. Next, I walk inside the Grotto. It's kind of creepy, to tell you the truth. There are always lit candles, rosaries, and a lot of flowers. The funny thing is that people have obviously gone to a lot of trouble to place those things there, but they don't always go the extra mile. Come on, people! If you're going to hike all the way up here, at least take the flowers out of the super market wrap that says "Ralphs" all over it. And, are flowers in a McDonald's cup or Powerade bottle really the tribute you want to send to Jesus? Just asking.

So, after the Grotto, I look at the little stream with the turtles before saying hello to Sharon Tate. I don't like to stay there too long because I start thinking about her violent end, but I don't want to leave her out. Next, I mosey around the other side of the Grotto to bid good tidings to the Schnozzola himself--Jimmy Durante (Loving husband, father--that's what I read, anyways). Finally, my favorite part of the walk--I go all the way down the huge hill and go to Evelyn Nesbit's grave. It's almost always dirty--since it's at the bottom of the hill, stuff blows down and sticks there all the time. So, I clean her grave off eachtime I go. The other day, it was an Oreos wrapper. A couple of days before that, it was a Walgreen's receipt for a six-pack of Bud Light. What on earth are people doing at the cemetery?!?! Having a cookout? Geesh. Clean up after yourselves!

Do you know Evelyn Nesbit? If you don't (well, and even if you do) I highly recommend the book American Eve about her and the "crime of the century." It's funny that this version of the "crime of the century" took place in 1906. I find it amusing that those who dubbed it thus must have thought that no crime bigger than this (one guy, albeit a famous one, gets murdered at Madison Square Garden) could happen in, say, the next 94 years. Ha! Think about all the other "crimes of the century" we've had since then. Hitler? Manson? OJ? R. Kelly peeing on that pre-teen? Sigh.

Evelyn was known as the "girl in the red velvet swing." That's her picture at the top of the page. Her story is fascinating. That woman suffered, and even though most people have probably forgotten all about who she was, she was one of the most famous women in the world at one point. So, I dust her headstone off and then I walk away until the next day when some new piece of garbage surely finds its place there for me.

What I've Been Up To

It has been so long since I posted, and I have no idea what compelled me to write today. Well, partially because I got a comment asking about MPFL reconstruction, and I thought I would write an update on that and what else is going on in my life for anyone who may remotely care.

The MPFL reconstruction went very well. I had the surgery in June 2010, went religiously to physical therapy 2-3 times per week for 6 weeks, and am feeling great. I still have some pain, but mostly just when I do some kind of deep bending or squatting. I still have atrophy in my quadriceps, but it's getting better. This was a workers comp case, as I slipped and fell on rain water in my classroom. The case is finally in its last stages, and I'm glad I got the surgery. It was a hassle, for sure, but my knee feels much more stable and I'm not as scared now to participate in different forms of physical activity.

As far as my job goes, I did not get a pink slip since I have 10 years of seniority with my school district. Many of my colleagues with fewer years did receive one, though. This semester I've been completely out of the classroom as the school's testing coordinator, but that position has been eliminated. This means that maybe the school will still find a way to fund the position, but maybe not. If not, I'll return to the classroom. I'm not sure what I'd do if offered the position half-time. I did that first semester, and it's very hard to switch modes from the classroom to testing office like that.

One good thing that happened to me just this past week is that I found out that I passed the School Leadership Licensure Assessment. I took this gruelling test back in February to see if I could get my administrator's credential. It costs about $500, and this was the last administration of this particular test in California. I figured it would be much cheaper to cough up $500 than go spend two years and $15,000 getting a Master's in administration. I don't have the masters, but I have the same credential now that anyone who just graduated with a Masters or PhD. in educational administration would have. It was a tough test--six hours of essay questions. I wrote for the entire six hours! My score was good--188 out of 200. California has the highest minimum passing score in the country--173--so I was happy I passed. Now, I can apply for the Certificate of Eligibility which allows me to seek jobs as an assistant or full-time principal. Crazy, huh? Some friends and I have begun talking about starting our own charter or pilot school, and this would give me some great options with my credentials.

Another thing for which I'm keeping my fingers crossed is that my friend and I win the Fund for Teachers grant for which we applied. We are asking for $10,000 to travel to New Zealand to study the Maori achievement gap and the Kotahitanga programs that have successfully started closing that gap. We hope to take ideas from their programs and incorporate them into our current (and hopefully new pilot/charter) school. I find out on Monday or Tuesday of this week.

Finally, I've been sad this week because Elizabeth Taylor died. I've always loved her and have often said I'd take a sick day at work on the day she died. Well, I didn't get to do that because I had to give a test. But, it was fun hearing everyone's stories about her. It seems everyone in L.A. has some kind of Elizabeth Taylor story. She was an amazing person, and I have always admired her most for her work with AMFAR. Oh--have you seen the Decorah eagle cam? I'm totally addicted. I have no idea why I am compelled to sit and watch a bald eagle sitting on its nest, but it's cool. I love that the mom and dad take turns sitting on the nest, and when one gets tired of sitting, they screech and the other comes to provide relief. Check it out if you get the chance--the eaglets are set to hatch this week!